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We Get to Serve

“It is not that you have to; you get to.” My friend’s words to a teenage boy were met with a side glance of disbelief. He didn’t want to spend his summer serving while doing what he considered meaningless tasks around the outside of the church. Summer was meant to be a time of relaxation and enjoyment for a high school student. He didn’t see how a summer of service could be fun, yet he didn’t consider how a summer of service would be a mark of faithfulness.

A Mark of Faithfulness

Service is a mark of faithfulness because God’s Word calls for His followers to be faithful. While we could survey many biblical passages on the command to serve, Jesus’s own words before His death and resurrection instruct us on both the model of service and the motivation for service. In Matthew 20:26-28, Jesus says to His disciples, “But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Notice, the discussion on service is not that being served reveals God’s favor on your life; it is that serving others reveals faithfulness to God in your life. To be great is to be faithful, and Jesus is that model of service. His sinless life and death on the cross for sinners are the greatest examples of serving. He gave of Himself to redeem many from their sins. It is with Jesus’s model of service we also find our motivation.

Saved to Serve

Our motivation for service comes from what Jesus has done for us in reconciling us back to God (2 Corinthians 5:17-21). This is crucial for understanding how we serve wholeheartedly as Christians. When we receive the command to serve, it is not a means of salvation. In other words, our service and good works cannot save us from our sins or make us right with a holy God. We are only by the grace of God alone through faith in Christ alone. 

However, God has a purpose for our good works and service. We may not be saved by acts of service, but we are saved for acts of service (Ephesians 2:8-10). This is a point we must not miss. Sometimes in Christian circles, we can highlight how God has saved us from sin but tend to downplay the truth He has also saved us for serving. As we serve, too, we do so with hearts transformed by the gospel. Our times of service are not consistently marked by grumbling but out of gratitude. This is what it means to serve wholeheartedly, the transformation of our hearts leading to the transformation of our actions. We serve out of gratitude toward what God has done for us in the gospel. The freedom we have in the gospel is not a place to spend selfishly on our desires, but it is an opportunity to love and serve one another (Galatians 5:13-14).

Blessings for Both

If we are not careful, though, we can fall into the trap that our service to others should not lead to us feeling good about the work we are doing. This is where we need to be reminded of the truth in Acts 20:35, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Certainly, the recipient of one’s service will receive blessing. But the Bible is clear that serving also affects and bless the server. How does it bless the server? It blesses the server through growing them to look more like Christ (as Matthew 20:28 mentions). It blesses the server through seeing the good done to their neighbor. It blesses the server through their witnessing the encouragement others are receiving through their service.

Look Up, Look In, Look Around

All these components lead to a life of serving wholeheartedly. To serve wholeheartedly in the church and community involves looking up, looking, looking around. We must look up and recognize God is the one who has given us gifts to serve Him and His church. The gifts He has entrusted to us then require us to look in and consider what the gifts are we each have to serve. For some, it is sharing words of encouragement or being generous with what they have. For others, it is the gift of teaching or the gift of mercy. However, the Lord has shaped you, the call for you is to be a faithful steward of that gifting by serving the Lord and His church with it (1 Peter 4:10). This leads to the final takeaway of serving wholeheartedly, look around. What are areas in your local church where there is a need and seems you have the gifting to serve there? What are ministries you can get plugged into to serve, no matter how small they may be?

My friend’s words to the teenage boy were a reminder for me in serving the Lord and His church. It is not that I have to. I get to. I get to spend my Sunday morning each week investing in and teaching middle and high school students, even when they may still be trying to mentally wake up. I get to serve my church through using my gift of encouragement in our counseling center on Sundays. This perspective on serving is a change that only the gospel can make, and it can!

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The Power of Prayer

We are told that it is essential to the life of a Christian. We are encouraged to practice it daily and to realize the priority of it in our lives. What are we talking about? Prayer! Yet, though many of us know we should pray, we struggle to know how to pray. Don’t worry, we are not alone! The men who walked alongside Jesus asked Him to teach them to pray (Luke 11:1). In the Sermon on the Mount, we see Jesus instructing them in prayer. In His instruction, Jesus shows them just how powerful prayer truly is. The power that accompanies prayer begins with understanding the purpose and characteristics of it, and that’s exactly what we’re going to look at today.

The Purpose of Prayer

We cannot get electronics to work if we are plugging them into the wrong outlet. That is what happens if we fail to recognize the proper purpose of prayer. Jesus warns His hearers, and us, that the purpose of prayer is not to be found in the praise of men (Matthew 6:5-6). It is tempting for us to gauge others’ spirituality based on how they act in public. However, Jesus makes the point that it matters most how you live when you are alone in secret. Are we spending time behind screens, viewing things displeasing to God? Are we wasting time with constant scrolling and posting? God calls us to see the importance of spending time with Him in private.

Additionally, the purpose of prayer examines the motives by which we pray. God’s concern in our prayer lives is not that we would speak big words to Him but that we would have big hearts for Him. Jesus makes this point when He says, “And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words” (Matthew 6:7). Prayer is not meant to be something that impresses God; prayer is meant to be something to grow intimacy with God. God knows our needs. He is not looking for the details of your life; He is looking for your dependency on Him (Matthew 6:8). Simply put, the purpose of prayer is to be focused on a relationship with God, depending upon Him, and growing in intimacy with Him.

The Characteristics of Prayer

If the purpose of prayer answers the “Why?” question to the power of prayer, then the characteristics of prayer present the answer to the “What?” question. As we understand the purpose of prayer, it makes sense that the characteristics of prayer start with a relational “Our Father in heaven” (Matthew 6:9). We are in a relationship with God as our Father. We don’t pray first with our list of needs but cry out to the One who knows our needs. Our prayers should first be characterized by acknowledging the supremacy
of God. He is sovereign and majestic, the one who is “in heaven” (Matthew 6:9). We are to hold up and honor His name in prayer, praising Him for His person, character, and authority. We pray for God’s supremacy in His kingdom to come and for His will to be done because He is King, and His will is meant to be lived out in each of our lives (Matthew 6:10).  

As we raise our hands in worship of God, we lift our voices in prayer to God, knowing He provides. We pray for Him to give us the daily provision we need (Matthew 6:11). We pray for our sanctification, and that when we fall, we would go to God in forgiveness. Before we fall, we pray for God to give us the strength not to fall into temptation (6:12-13). Then, we seek to practice what we pray by living out the implications of the gospel through forgiving others as we have been forgiven in Christ. When we do this, God is glorified.

Prayer Changes Us

It has been famously said, “Prayer changes things.” Without getting into that debate, our prayer shouldn’t be aimed at changing our circumstances or situations; prayer should be aimed at changing us and our hearts. That is because the act of praying draws us closer to God and enables us to have a more intimate relationship with Him.

Biblical Counseling · Manhood/Hombres

Dear Single Brother, Pursue Her

I vividly remember reading the message. She was kind but firm, honest but gentle. She shared I was sending her mixed signals about whether I was interested in pursuing her or not. We had a phone call conversation that didn’t last long, and I was left with my heart exposed and the truth revealed. I had not cared for my sister in Christ well. Instead of pursuing her heart, I had a growing problem in my heart. See, this godly woman and I had a mutual interest in each other and wanted to get to know one another more. However, after a few months of engaging in conversation, I told her I was only interested in friendship. Yet, I continued flirting with her, and it brought us to have the phone conversation.

The problem of my heart was not that I didn’t enjoy our times connecting. It was not that I didn’t find her attractive. On the contrary, I found this godly woman a pleasure to communicate with and most beautiful inside and out. My problem was I was scared. She and I lived two hours apart from each other. I knew if things were to develop the change and commitment I would face. Additionally, I recognized the reality of rejection if things did not work out. For those reasons, I made the decision I wanted to remain only friends even while still wanting more. As a result, I played with my sister in Christ’s feelings and was passive in my interest toward her.

I suspect I am not alone in this struggle. I have met other Christian brothers who find themselves with FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) in dating relationships, always wondering if maybe someone better will come along. I have also spoken with fellow brothers who fail to engage in possible talk of dating because they fear rejection. What we all need is our fears exposed and our faith encouraged to pursue godly women.

A Fear That Plays Around

The first fear we need to address is a fear that plays around with girl’s hearts. This fear is expressed when we as men show initial interest in a woman and even begin to form an emotional relationship with the woman only to fail in defining the relationship. Maybe this is because we fear commitment, but it may also be that we fear missing out. We may try to reason, If I commit to this one person, I may lose and miss out on someone I consider “better”. This is a problem heightened with the age of online dating. We can swipe as many times as we’d like on prospective dates we are interested in connecting with more. The problem is such apps can contribute to a mentality of always looking for something, or someone, better. If we are not careful, then using dating apps can become about using others. We don’t see the woman in the profile as a sister in Christ to know but as a person to satisfy our needs. In other words, we fail to apply 1 Timothy 5:2, seeing “younger women as sisters, in all purity”.

A Fear  that Leads to Passivity

A second type of fear toward a dating relationship with a woman that is more subtle in nature is a fear that leads to passivity. This fear is expressed when we fail to initiate any potential conversations with a woman due to a fear of rejection. I have had Christian brothers share how they have been hurt in the past, and they are not sure they want to go through the possibility of rejection again. I understand that. This is a fear I have known very well myself. I can recall in my youth receiving only “No” as the answer from girls when I found the courage to ask them out. Throughout my single young adult years, I held back asking girls out because I feared hearing “No!” I wanted to have the assurance that a girl would say, “Yes!” before I even asked the question. The problem I had, and we have as men when we give into this fear is we want certainty without the risk of rejection. Because we want to know the answer before we ask it, we want to be pursued instead of being the ones who pursue. Therein lies the issue. We respond in fear instead of responding in faith.

A Faith That Pursues

Dear single brother, if you are going to respond in faith, you must confront your fears. The fear that leads to playing around is a lack of trust in the sovereignty of God. Instead of always looking around at the next girl, look at who the Lord may have placed before you already. You do not have to tirelessly keep swiping or searching for the “better” and perfect woman because she does not exist. Perfection is only found in Jesus Christ. It is by Jesus Christ, too, you and I learn how to pursue by faith. Marriage is meant to be a reflection of Christ and the church (see Ephesians 5:22-33). Christ initiates and pursues the church, not the other way around. Christ sacrifices Himself for the church despite the rejection He faced from her at the time. A man who desires to reflect Christ in this way cannot show he is ready once he has entered the marriage relationship; he should be displaying this leadership and sacrifice in the pursuit of such a relationship with a woman.

Brother, have a faith that pursues by trusting in the sovereignty of God in committing to one woman and getting to know her, being willing to define the relationship. Have a faith that pursues by risking rejection in initiating and asking a godly woman out. If the rejection of fear is realized, remember in the suffering of a “no”, there is a fellowship of knowing Christ more intimately (Philippians 3:10). Have a faith that pursues by taking up the God-given responsibility to give yourself in caring for your sister in Christ above all.

It was the phone call conversation with my sister in Christ that encouraged me to have a faith to pursue. From that moment, I resolved to not allow fear to keep me from committing to a relationship or from risking a rejection. In the Lord’s providence, it was this sister in Christ who I decided and desired to pursue for a relationship. My fear of rejection was realized but I continued to trust in the Lord’s sovereignty as He gave me opportunities to pursue her. In His kindness, after some twists and turns in the story, the woman, Esther, became my wife. And I thank the Lord every day I faced my fears and had the faith to pursue her. I want to encourage you, dear single brother, to do the same.

This post originally appeared on Tasting the Ocean.

Biblical Counseling · Manhood/Hombres · Singleness

QUERIDO HERMANO SOLTERO, CORTÉJALA

Recuerdo vívidamente haber leído el mensaje. Era amable pero firme, honesta pero gentil. Ella me dijo que le estaba enviando señales contradictorias sobre si estaba interesado en ella o no. Tuvimos una conversación telefónica que no duró mucho y quedé con mi corazón expuesto y la verdad revelada. No había cuidado bien de mi hermana en Cristo. En lugar de ir tras su corazón, tenía un problema creciente en el mío. Mira, esta mujer piadosa y yo teníamos un interés mutuo y queríamos conocernos más. Sin embargo, después de unos meses de entablar conversación, le dije que solo me interesaba ser amigos. Sin embargo, seguí coqueteando con ella y eso nos llevó a tener esta conversación telefónica.

El problema de mi corazón no era que no disfrutara nuestros momentos de conexión. No es que no la encontrara atractiva. Por el contrario, encontré que era un placer comunicarme con esta mujer piadosa y que era hermosa por dentro y por fuera. Mi problema era que tenía miedo. Ella y yo vivíamos a dos horas de distancia. Sabía que si las cosas avanzaban tendría que enfrentar cambios y compromisos. Además, reconocí la realidad del rechazo si las cosas no funcionaban. Por esas razones, tomé la decisión de que quería seguir siendo solo amigos, incluso cuando todavía quería más. Como resultado, jugué con los sentimientos de mi hermana en Cristo y fui pasivo en mi interés por ella.

Sospecho que no estoy solo en esta lucha. He conocido a otros hermanos cristianos que se enfrentan al miedo de perderse algo en cuanto a relaciones de noviazgo, siempre preguntándose si tal vez aparecerá alguien mejor. También he hablado con otros hermanos que no se involucran en una posibles conversaciones sobre noviazgo o cortejo por miedo al rechazo. Lo que todos necesitamos es exponer nuestros temores y alentar nuestra fe para cortejar a mujeres piadosas.

Un Miedo que Juega

El primer miedo que debemos abordar es el miedo que juega con los corazones de las mujeres. Este temor se expresa cuando nosotros, como hombres, mostramos un interés inicial en una mujer e incluso comenzamos a formar una relación emocional con ella solo para fallar en definir la relación. Tal vez esto se deba a que le tememos al compromiso, pero también puede ser que tememos perdernos de algo más. A veces tratamos de razonar: Si me comprometo con esta persona, podría estarme perdiendo de alguien que considero “mejor”. Este es un problema acentuado con la era de las aplicaciones de citas en línea. Podemos deslizar el dedo tantas veces como queramos de las posibles personas con las que estariamos interesados ​​​​en conversar. El problema es que tales aplicaciones pueden contribuir a una mentalidad de buscar siempre algo, o alguien, mejor. Si no tenemos cuidado, usar estas aplicaciones de citas pueden llevarnos a objetivizar a otros. No vemos a la mujer del perfil como una hermana en Cristo para conocer sino como una persona para satisfacer nuestras necesidades. En otras palabras, fallamos en aplicar 1 Timoteo 5:2, ver a las “mujeres jóvenes como hermanas, con toda pureza”.

Un Miedo que Conduce a la Pasividad

Un segundo tipo de miedo hacia una relación de noviazgo con una mujer que es de naturaleza más sutil es el miedo que conduce a la pasividad. Este miedo se expresa cuando no logramos iniciar ninguna conversación potencial con una mujer debido al miedo al rechazo. He tenido hermanos cristianos que han compartido cómo han sido lastimados en el pasado y no están seguros de querer pasar por la posibilidad del rechazo nuevamente. Y lo entiendo, este es un miedo que yo mismo conozco muy bien. Puedo recordar en mi juventud recibir solo un “No” como respuesta de las chicas cuando encontraba el coraje para invitarlas a salir. A lo largo de mis años de soltero, me abstuve de invitar a salir a hermanas en Cristo porque temía escuchar “¡No!” Quería tener la seguridad de que una de ellas diría: “¡Sí!” incluso antes de preguntarle. El problema que tuve, y tenemos como hombres cuando nos entregamos a este miedo, es que queremos certeza sin correr el riesgo de ser rechazados. Porque queremos saber la respuesta antes de preguntar, queremos ser cortejados en lugar de ser los que cortejen. Ahí está la cuestión. Respondemos con miedo en lugar de responder con fe.

Una Fe que Corteja

Querido hermano soltero, si vas a responder con fe, debes enfrentar tus miedos. El miedo que lleva a jugar es la falta de confianza en la soberanía de Dios. En lugar de mirar siempre a la siguiente chica, mira a quién el Señor ya ha puesto delante de ti. No tienes que seguir deslizando perfiles incansablemente o buscando a la mujer “mejor” y perfecta, porque ella no existe. La perfección solo se encuentra en Jesucristo. Es por medio de Jesucristo, también, que tú y yo aprendemos cómo cortejar a una hermana teniendo fe. El matrimonio debe ser un reflejo de Cristo y la iglesia (ver Efesios 5:22-33). Cristo inicia y va tras la iglesia, no al revés. Cristo se sacrifica por la iglesia a pesar del rechazo que enfrentó de ella en ese momento. Un hombre que desea reflejar a Cristo de esta manera no puede demostrar que está listo una vez que ya ha entrado en la relación matrimonial, sino que debe mostrar este liderazgo y sacrificio en el proceso de cortejar a una mujer.

Hermano, ten una fe que busca confiar en la soberanía de Dios compromentiéndote a conocer a una mujer, y estando dispuesto a definir la relación. Ten una fe que corteja aún si eso significa arriesgarse al rechazo al tener la iniciativa de invitar a salir a una mujer piadosa. Si el miedo al rechazo se materializa, recuerda que en el sufrimiento de un “no”, tenemos el consuelo de estar conociendo más íntimamente a Cristo (Filipenses 3:10). Ten una fe que busca asumir la responsabilidad, dada por Dios, de cuidar a tu hermana en Cristo por sobre todo.

Fue esa conversación telefónica con mi hermana en Cristo que me animó a tener una fe que corteja. Desde ese momento, decidí no permitir que el miedo me impidiera comprometerme en una relación o arriesgarme a un rechazo. En la providencia del Señor, fue esta hermana en Cristo a quien decidí cortejar y con la que deseaba tener una relación. Mi miedo al rechazo se hizo realidad, pero continué confiando en la soberanía del Señor mientras Él me daba oportunidades para cortejarla. En Su bondad, después de algunos giros y vueltas en la historia, la mujer, Ester, se convirtió en mi esposa. Y doy gracias al Señor cada día porque enfrenté mis miedos y tuve suficiente fe para cortejarla. Quiero animarte, querido hermano soltero, a que hagas lo mismo.

Esta publicación apareció originalmente en Tasting the Ocean.

Biblical Counseling · Manhood · Manhood/Hombres · Singleness

Dear Single Brother, Be Honest

“Sweet and sanctifying.” This is my typical response to people who ask me how my first year of marriage to Esther has been. Marriage has been the sweetest as I have been blessed with a godly and beautiful wife. I have experienced intimacy on the deepest level. At the same time, marriage has been sanctifying because it has exposed my heart and revealed indwelling sin and issues that need to be addressed. I am thankful in my singleness I sought to pursue holiness, display humility, live honestly, practice hospitality, and value humor. However, I was surprised how one of those characteristics showed up in my marriage.

Honesty and Identity

I knew as I prepared for marriage, I would need to be committed to holiness. My relationship with the Lord needs to be first and foremost. I also knew to have a relationship meant to display humility, admitting when I was wrong and asking for forgiveness. To enter this most sacred covenant, I knew I would need to open my heart in hospitality and not take myself too seriously but laugh too. Yet, one unexpected turn I took was understanding what living honestly truly meant.

In my singleness, I viewed this characteristic of honesty as being truthful in the words I speak and transparent in the life I live. I have seen that played out in marriage. If I am asked a question about how I feel, I need to give an honest answer. If my conscience is bothering me over a rude comment I’ve made to Esther, I need to confess that to the Lord and my wife. However, there was one element of living honestly I had not considered and found it to be the hardest to speak to my wife to: my insecurity.

It began as my wife and I began talking about past relationships. I started comparing myself to some of the other brothers in Christ we were discussing. I’ve jokingly said, “My selling point was never my looks; it was my character”. Yet, it was that sentiment that led me to struggling with insecurity with my looks. Being around some of those brothers in Christ, it was hard not to see how my insecurity was coming to the surface. Even in the covenant and commitment of marriage, I found myself struggling over how I stacked myself to these other guys. Each time, my wife could tell something was up, and I faced with a moment of truth. I could either admit my insecurity or I could make light of it. The former would be good for my marriage. The latter would hinder it.

The problem of insecurity is, among other things, an issue of identity. I not only saw this in relationships but with work. For the first year of our marriage, my wife and I both worked. In the Lord’s goodness, He provided my wife with a full-time job while I was working at a part-time job with nearly full-time hours. When the news came we were pregnant and expecting our first child, my wife shared the desire to stay at home with the baby. I knew the responsibility God had entrusted to me to provide as the leader of my home (Genesis 2:15; Ephesians 5:25; 1 Thessalonians 5:8). I could not abdicate my role and excuse any passiveness with “God is sovereign and will provide” with this new season approaching. It is true God is sovereign, but rather than using that truth to neglect my responsibility, it was an encouragement to trust God’s providence in all situations and depend upon Him. God had purposefully placed my wife and I in a position where I was being called to be the provider He had called me to be. 

That is when my desire as the husband to be the provider rose in my heart. That desire led to intense job searches and interviews. With each empty search or ended interview, I was discouraged with the kind of provider I was being to my wife and baby boy. It was in that time of insecurity a friend reminded me that while my biblical responsibility as husband is to be a provider, my primary identity is found in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17; Philippians 3:8-9), not in whether or not I am a sufficient provider by my own standards.

Identity in Him

My friend’s reminder is a good piece of advice for single and married people alike. I was surprised to be faced with my insecurities in marriage, but I shouldn’t have been. Why? Because those were the same type of insecurities I brought in from my singleness. I remember the rejections and feeling like I was not nice-looking enough or good enough for the godly woman I was trying to pursue. I can recall the times where my heart was either high with joy or low with depression over whether or not there was a prospective relationship at hand. My problem was my identity was focused on a relationship with a woman rather than on my relationship with the Lord. Such is idolatry and must be confessed (Exodus 20:3; 1 John 1:9).

One of the biggest struggles as a single is to place your identity in whether or not you have a significant other. The lack of a romantic relationship includes feelings of insecurity, of not being good enough. That is why many unmarrieds see singleness as a season of survival. When unmarrieds take counsel in God’s Word and see their insecurities do not define them, then they can see clearly that their identity is not who they have as a potential spouse, but their identity is in their Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ. When singles see their identity in Christ, they can rejoice in the midst of their season of singleness because it provides them undivided devotion to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). The pursuit of holiness means being honest with the Lord. The display of humility reveals who we really are. Honesty speaks to how we then need to live those out in our lives.

The friend who encouraged me to remember my identity is primarily found in Christ, not in being a provider, is an unmarried man who has taught me much about admitting insecurity and living honestly. His piece of advice is the counsel I give as a newlywed to singles: your identity is primarily in Christ, not in who you are romantically involved with. As a single who constantly faces rejection to an unmarried person who wonders if their significant other will ever make the commitment to marriage, insecurities will come. It is important to be honest about them. Cry out to the Lord, be honest with yourself about them, and confess them to your significant other as appropriate. Don’t expect insecurities to leave once you get married. The truth that your identity is found in Christ is the same truth you will need to remember then as you need to remember now.

This post originally appeared on Tasting the Ocean.

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Querido Hermano Soltero, Sé Honesto

“Dulce y santificador”. Esta es mi típica respuesta a las personas que me preguntan cómo ha sido mi primer año de matrimonio con Esther. El matrimonio ha sido el más dulce ya que he sido bendecido con una esposa piadosa y hermosa. He experimentado la intimidad en el nivel más profundo. Al mismo tiempo, el matrimonio ha sido santificador porque ha expuesto mi corazón y ha revelado el pecado que mora en mí y problemas que deben ser abordados. Estoy agradecido porque en mi soltería busqué la santidad, mostrar humildad, vivir honestamente, practicar la hospitalidad y valorar el humor. Sin embargo, me sorprendió cómo una de esas características se mostró en mi matrimonio.

Honestidad e Identidad

Sabía que mientras me preparaba para el matrimonio, tendría que comprometerme con la santidad. Mi relación con el Señor debe ser lo primero y lo más importante. También sabía que tener una relación significaba mostrar humildad, admitir cuando estaba equivocado y pedir perdón. Para entrar en este pacto tan sagrado, sabía que tendría que abrir mi corazón a la hospitalidad y no tomarme demasiado en serio a mí mismo, sino también reírme. Sin embargo, un giro inesperado que tomé fue comprender lo que realmente significa vivir honestamente.

En mi soltería, vi esta característica de honestidad como veraz en las palabras que hablo y transparente en la vida que vivo. He visto que eso se desarrolla en el matrimonio. Si me hacen una pregunta sobre cómo me siento, necesito dar una respuesta honesta. Si mi conciencia me molesta por un comentario grosero que le hice a Esther, necesito confesárselo al Señor y a mi esposa. Sin embargo, había un elemento de vivir honestamente que no había considerado y me resultó más difícil hablar con mi esposa: mi inseguridad.

Comenzó cuando mi esposa y yo comenzamos a hablar sobre relaciones pasadas. Empecé a compararme con algunos de los otros hermanos en Cristo de los que estábamos hablando. Decía en broma: “Mi mejor atributo nunca fue mi apariencia; sino mi carácter”. Sin embargo, fue ese sentimiento el que me llevó a luchar contra la inseguridad que tengo sobre mi apariencia. Al estar rodeado de algunos de esos hermanos en Cristo, era difícil no ver cómo mi inseguridad salía a la superficie. Incluso en el pacto y el compromiso del matrimonio, me encontré luchando por cómo me comparaba con estos otros hombres. Cada vez, mi esposa se daba cuenta de que algo estaba pasando, y yo me tenía que enfrentar a un momento de revelar la verdad. Podía admitir mi inseguridad o podía tomarla a la ligera. Lo primero sería bueno para mi matrimonio. Esto último lo obstaculizaría.

El problema de la inseguridad es, entre otras cosas, una cuestión de identidad. No solo vi esto en las relaciones sino también en el trabajo. Durante el primer año de nuestro matrimonio, mi esposa y yo trabajamos. En la bondad del Señor, Él le dio a mi esposa un trabajo de tiempo completo mientras yo trabajaba en un trabajo de medio tiempo con horarios cercanos a tiempo completo. Cuando llegó la noticia de que estábamos esperando a nuestro primer hijo, mi esposa compartió conmigo el deseo de querer quedarse como ama de casa con el bebé. Sabía la responsabilidad que Dios me había confiado de proveer como líder de mi hogar (Génesis 2:15; Efesios 5:25; 1 Tesalonicenses 5:8). No podía abdicar de mi papel y excusar cualquier pasividad bajo la premisa de que “Dios es soberano y proveerá” en esta nueva temporada que se acercaba. Es cierto que Dios es soberano, pero en lugar de usar esa verdad para descuidar mi responsabilidad, fue un estímulo para confiar en la providencia de Dios en todas las situaciones y depender de Él. Dios había puesto a propósito a mi esposa y a mí en una posición en la que estaba siendo llamado a ser el proveedor que Él me había llamado a ser. 

Fue entonces cuando surgió en mi corazón mi deseo como esposo de ser el proveedor. Ese deseo condujo a intensas búsquedas de trabajo y entrevistas. Con cada búsqueda o entrevista sin fruto, me desanimaba con el tipo de proveedor que estaba siendo para mi esposa y mi bebé. Fue en ese momento de inseguridad que un amigo me recordó que si bien mi responsabilidad bíblica como esposo es ser proveedor, mi identidad principal se encuentra en Cristo (2 Corintios 5:17; Filipenses 3:8-9), no en si soy o no un proveedor suficiente según mis propios estándares.

Identidad en Él

El recordatorio de mi amigo es un buen consejo tanto para las personas solteras como para las casadas. Me sorprendió enfrentar mis inseguridades en el matrimonio, pero no me debería haber sorprendido. ¿Por qué? Porque esas eran el mismo tipo de inseguridades que traje de mi soltería. Recuerdo los rechazos y sentir que no era lo suficientemente guapo o lo suficientemente bueno para la mujer piadosa que estaba tratando de encontrar. Puedo recordar los momentos en que mi corazón estaba lleno de alegría o deprimido por la posibilidad de una relación o la inexistencia de una. Mi problema era que mi identidad estaba enfocada en una relación con una mujer en lugar de mi relación con el Señor. Tal es la idolatría y debe ser confesada (Éxodo 20:3; 1 Juan 1:9).

Una de las mayores luchas como soltero es poner tu identidad en si tienes o no una pareja. La falta de una relación romántica incluye sentimientos de inseguridad, de no ser lo suficientemente bueno. Es por eso que muchos solteros ven la soltería como una temporada de supervivencia. Cuando los solteros toman consejo en la Palabra de Dios y ven que sus inseguridades no los definen, entonces pueden ver claramente que su identidad no es la que tienen como potencial esposo, sino que su identidad está en su Salvador, nuestro Señor Jesucristo. Cuando los solteros ven su identidad en Cristo, pueden regocijarse en medio de su temporada de soltería porque les proporciona una devoción indivisible al Señor (1 Corintios 7:32-35). La búsqueda de la santidad significa ser honesto con el Señor. La demostración de humildad revela quiénes somos realmente. La honestidad habla de cómo debemos vivirlos en nuestras vidas.

El amigo que me animó a recordar que mi identidad se encuentra principalmente en Cristo, no en ser un proveedor, es un hombre soltero que me ha enseñado mucho sobre admitir mis inseguridades y vivir honestamente. Su consejo es el mismo que doy como recién casado a los solteros: tu identidad está principalmente en Cristo, no en con quién estás involucrado románticamente. Como soltero que constantemente enfrenta el rechazo de una persona soltera que se pregunta si su pareja alguna vez querrá comprometerse con el matrimonio, vendrán las inseguridades. Es importante ser honesto acerca de ellas. Clama al Señor, sé honesto contigo mismo acerca de tus inseguridades y confíaselos a tu pareja según corresponda. No esperes que las inseguridades desaparezcan una vez que te cases. La verdad de que tu identidad se encuentra en Cristo es la misma verdad que necesitarás recordar entonces como necesitas recordar ahora.

Esta publicación apareció originalmente en Tasting the Ocean.

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Job: A Story of Suffering & Salvation

As a child, I loved the action-packed stories of the Bible. I met the parting of the Red Sea in Exodus 14 with amazement. Wonder filled me as I pictured David, a young shepherd boy, take down the giant Goliath in 1 Samuel 17. The imagery and storytelling in Jesus’ parables drew me in and captured my attention.

My growth from childhood to adolescence paralleled my growth in studying the Scriptures. I began to hold firm to the conviction the narratives were not fables to read but reality to see. I learned the individual passages were not to be isolated from their context but to be understood in the light of the whole counsel of God. These two areas of growth and maturity as a student of Scripture led me to the book of Job. Through the life of Job, I saw the reality of suffering and the need for a Savior within the context of human history.

Like a sudden downpour, Job is showered with suffering. Consecutive news breaks to Job that he has lost his servants, his livestock, and his children (1:13-19). The toppling news is more than Job can bear. Then, on top of all that, Job gets struck with sores all over his body. With the sorrow filling his soul and the breakdown of his body, notice Job’s surprising response to the suffering. He understandably mourns and grieves over his losses, but he does not give up on God.

He still blesses and gives praise to God (1:20-21). When the counsel of the person closest to him advises, “Curse God and die” (2:9), Job remains faithful to God. The rest of the book does not shy away from sharing the struggles in Job’s heart as he pleads with God and questions God. In the end, though, Job looks to the Lord in trust through the midst of suffering.

The reality of Job’s sufferings hit home as I grew in adolescence and my parents began to struggle with their health. My father had a disease, but it took years before we finally arrived at a diagnosis: Parkinson’s disease. Then came news he additionally had Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and needed treatment. My mother’s myriad of health issues also led to her diagnosis of multiple myeloma. In addition to disability, death entered our family. In the span of one year, I lost three of my grandparents.

Yet, the hardships of life did not cause my parents to grow hard-hearted toward God. Instead, these trials moved them to a greater trust in God. Their response to suffering exemplified the character of Job and served as an example for dealing with my own sufferings.

Nevertheless, dealing with suffering does not occur without a real struggle. Job, a man described as truly righteous, fearing God and turning away from evil (1:1), found himself asking questions in the midst of his suffering. When we see and experience trials, we often ask, “Why is there suffering in the world?” Scripture tells us suffering is one of the consequences of living in a fallen and sinful world.

A particular person’s suffering may not exactly correlate to their sin, but as sinners who live in a fallen world, we can expect suffering. The reason Job suffered was not because of his own sin, but we do see by the end of the book Job has cause for repentance (42:1-6). Looking at Job’s life in the context of Scripture, we see suffering reminds us we live in a sinful and fallen world that longs for a Savior.

Suffering should not lead us to despair. Job teaches us God is not absent in our suffering, but he is sovereign over it. God may grant Satan the opportunity to bring suffering, but he has given his Son to bring salvation. The reality of suffering should lead us to a living hope. It is this hope that Job clings to when he says, “For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth” (19:25).

As we see the puzzle piece of Job’s story fit into the storyline of the Bible, we come to meet this living Redeemer in Jesus Christ. The sting of suffering and sin does not have the final word, because the living Redeemer has defeated death by giving his life for all who repent of their sin and believe in him for salvation (Gal. 3:13). The suffering of Job is a pointer to the salvation of Job, only found in Jesus Christ.

Do we have a biblical perspective when suffering comes? In this life, we are guaranteed to go through suffering. We can expect it and must understand it through the lens of God’s sovereignty. As I witness the reality of Job’s suffering and the suffering that surrounds me in this life, I cling to the salvation found in Jesus Christ. The greatest thing suffering can do is point to redemption in the Savior. I have the teacher Job to thank for that lesson.

Book Reviews

Quick Reads for Anxious People (Book Review)

Welch, Edward T. A Small Book for the Anxious Heart: Meditations on Fear, Worry, and Trust. New Growth Press, Greensboro, NC. 2019. 192 pages.

During this time of a global pandemic, many are anxious. They fear they may test positive for the coronavirus. They worry what impact this may have on the economy and to their own bank account. The antidote to addressing these concerns is to look with trust to the One who is sovereign over it all. That is exactly what A Small Book for the Anxious Heart: Meditations on Fear, Worry, and Trust by Edward T. Welch is about.

Practical Counsel for the Fearful and Anxious

A Small Book for the Anxious Heart is filled with 50 daily meditations that are only a few pages each in length. The book is set up where the reader can read straight through from Day 1 to Day 50 or choose from the collection of meditations. While there is no particular order to the set of meditations, readers can gauge from the title which may pertain to them on a given day. There is a response at the end of each meditation for the reader to reflect on how they can apply what they have read.

Many of the meditations give practical counsel to help the reader in their struggle as the author shares about his own. One of the best examples of practical counsel in this book is the meditation for Day 21 on asking for prayer. The book is comprehensive in nature as Welch takes Days 22 and 23 to provide insight on the impact fear and worry have on the physical body. Of course, the topic of money is given attention in the book as well. Throughout the 50 meditations, though, Welch reiterates fear and faith are linked in this struggle. The reality is fear will not be fully eliminated but that Christians should meditate on what will build their faith and trust in the Lord.

A Critique of Concern

I appreciated the practical counsel and the comprehensive work found in these meditations. I was thankful for defining terms upfront (see Welch pp. 6-8). Yet, while the definitions may have clarified some terms, one word was left wanting: worry. Moreover, how Welch seems to handle worry is built on a faulty foundation. He pointedly says, “know that there are good reasons to worry” (Welch 29). I disagree because the testimony of Scripture defines worry as sin as it reveals a lack of trust in God. Counselor Timothy Lane, in his book Living Without Worry, distinguishes worry from concern and references Bible scholar Dick France in saying worry is not merely concern but that worry is over-concern. Therefore, Welch wants to comfort readers there are good reasons to “worry”, a more appropriate term would be concern. For what it is worth, too, I would be wary of referring to The Message as a translation, as the book does, and use more of the language of a commentary.

Quick Reads for Anxious People

If you are not a big reader but find yourself needing to meditate on biblical truth during this anxious and fearful time, consider purchasing and gleaning from the meditations in A Small Book for the Anxious Heart. If you are looking for a quick read that will remind you where your trust needs to be as you worry and who you need to place your faith in while you face fears, then check out this book by Edward Welch.

I received this book from New Growth Press in exchange for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own and are my honest review of the book.

Book Reviews

A Call to Stir Teens’s Affections for Christ (Book Review)

Barratt, Sara. Love Riot: A Teenage Call to Live with Relentless Abandon for Christ. Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI. 2020. 208 pages.

When I entered vocational ministry as a youth pastor, I intentionally set out to not be all about pizza parties and silly stories. While my youth group has enjoyed a nice slice of pizza and laughed at tales told, that has not been the focus of their time with the church. Their time under my teaching and in our conversations has centered on what it means to follow Christ. My goal has been and is to challenge these young people to know the cost of following Christ, not going along to live complacent lives. Yet, I know as a youth pastor, teenagers need to hear from more than just the voice of another adult; they would benefit to hear from a fellow teenager who has walked with biblical conviction in a compromising culture. That is why I am glad to introduce you to Sara Barratt and her first book, Love Riot: A Teenage Call to Live with Relentless Abandon for Christ.

Fight for a Generation with Love

Sara is someone who has experienced the teenage years at the time of her writing this book. She is aware of the particular temptations and tests that occur during that stage of life. Within Christian circles specifically, she has witnessed the apathy among teenagers. She wants to face that head-on and fight for her generation. Fight for them with love. To share with them the love of Christ and to call a generation to love others with the love of Christ.

Sara sections her book into five parts: (1) The Call, (2) The Change, (3) The Challenge, (4) The Crux, and (5) The Commission. She addresses the problem upfront and then spends the bulk of the book talking about falling in love with Jesus and following Him even when it is uncomfortable and unpopular. Yet, the vision is much bigger than individual application; a movement is in view. A riot of sharing and showing the love of Christ!

A Counter-Cultural Approach

In the discussion on media in chapter 12, Barratt emphasizes the applications she puts forth are not meant to be done legalistically but as a counter-cultural approach to the compromise and conformity we see in our culture. Her discussion in that chapter is characteristic of the whole book. Sara encourages teenagers to not treat Jesus like they handle Facebook, and she pinpoints their comforts, like free Wi-Fi, to challenge them to step outside of their comfort zones for Jesus. The practicality of the book, too, shines brightly at the end of each chapter with “Going Deeper” questions. She calls for this application in a way that does not come across as a checklist but something done out of love for Jesus Christ. This is seen clearly in chapters 8 and 9 as Sara exhorts and equips teenagers what it means to spend time with Jesus and how to dig into God’s Word. All the practical applications from Sara flow out a love for Christ.

 A Little Clarity

Sara does a tremendous job clarifying for teenagers what it means to follow Christ. Yet, there is one statement she makes on following Christ that needs greater clarification. As she discusses the call Jesus gives to His disciples in Mark 8, she remarks, “He was asking them to follow Him in all ways, no matter what, event to the point of dying the same death for Him that He would die for them” (Barratt 75). While I believe I understand what she is getting at, if the reader is not discerning, they could incorrectly interpret her statement that the disciples could die for the exact same purpose as Jesus did for them. Jesus’ death for His followers was as a substitutionary sacrifice in the place of sinners. Jesus died for their (and our) sins. Therefore, while His followers can die for the sake of Christ, they cannot die for anyone’s salvation. To be sure, I don’t believe Barratt is making any such assertion, but if someone is not careful, then they could incorrectly read it in that wrong way.

Stirring Affections and Igniting a Movement

The minor critique aside, Love Riot by Sara Barratt is a book to stir teens’s affections for Christ. As hearts are stirred in stepping out of comfort zones and living for Christ, this book has the potential of igniting the movement of a love riot, the very point of the book! If you are a teenager who is tired of complacency and wants to commit to following Christ, then this is the book for you! Likewise, if you are a parent or youth pastor who wants to encourage young people to leave behind apathy and grow in their affections for Christ, then pick up a copy of this book for your teenager!

I received this book from Baker Books on behalf of the author in exchange for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own and are my honest review of the book.
Book Reviews

A Valuable Resource for Special Needs Children (Book Review)

Joni and Friends. God Made Me Unique: Helping Children See Value in Every Person. New Growth Press, Greensboro, NC. 2019. 32 pages.

The statistics are staggering and saddening. Not many churches are known for being autism and special needs friendly. Some churches, although they may not say it, see families and children with special needs as an obstacle to ministry, not an opportunity for ministry. This must change! Churches need to see the value of every unique individual and family that comes through their doors. That is what makes me excited for Joni and Friends’ new resource, God Made Me Unique: Helping Children See Value in Every Person.

A Special Story

With a foreword by Joni Eareckson Tada and the story written by Chonda Ralston, the scene is appropriately set in a children’s class on a Sunday morning at church. The colorful illustrations by Trish Mahoney will invite the children’s attention. Written in rhyme, the story introduces a new kid to the class who has special needs. This gives the teacher, Ms. Campbell, the opportunity to share about special needs, how some disabilities are clear and others are not as evident. Wyatt plays with a toy to help him focus and keep his hands to himself. Jamal is in a wheelchair but is included in activities because “we should never exclude based on a disability”. Along the way, the children learn in passages like Psalm 139 God made each of them with great care and disabilities are not germs but a part of creation. The lesson reminds each kid their value as 1 Corinthians 12 highlights “Every member has value and a part to play”.

A Significant Lesson

There is no way to state the significance of the story of God Made Me Unique. This is as much a book for the church as it is for children. Church leaders should read this book to see the value of all people, particularly special needs children, in their congregations. Children’s Bible teachers should glean from this resource how they can be more sensitive and strategic in their lessons. All adults would do well to read the back section of the book titled “Four Ways to Help Your Child Understand Disability as Part of God’s Plan”. Children are invited to ask questions and gain an understanding on what disability means and how it can be used to serve and minister. If you know a special needs child who could use the encouragement that God has created and gifted them with value, then check out this book. If you know a church leader who could benefit and learn how to better shepherd as a result of this book, then consider getting them God Made Me Unique. It is of the utmost value!

I received this book from New Growth Press in exchange for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own and are my honest review of the book.