“Where have all the good men gone?” This song lyric echoes in the hearts and minds of many single Christian women in our churches. They long for marriage. They hear sermons which hold marriage in special honor. What are they to do? The weight of uncertainty in waiting appears too heavy. When a man shows interest in them, they reason to themselves, “He says he is a Christian so that should be good enough, right?” They justify in order to fulfill the dream they have for their lives. They settle for less than God’s best. The ruling desire for marriage wins out over the type of marriage God desires for them to have. Deepak Reju, the pastor of biblical counseling and families at Capitol Hill Baptist Church, has witnessed these instances too often. As a pastor and a counselor, he wants to shepherd these women to be wise with their lives as they wait. The result is his new book She’s Got the Wrong Guy: Why Smart Women Settle.
Unlike most books on Christian dating, Pastor Reju does not give principles or anecdotes of what Christian dating relationships ought to look like. Instead, he warns single women against the type of men many settle for. The book is divided into three sections. Part 1 explains the problem of Christian women settling for less-than-godly men, and a way forward (chapters 1–4). Part 2, which covers the bulk of the book, asks the question, “Am I Dating the Wrong Guy?” and warns the reader of ten men to not settle for: the control freak, the promiscuous guy, the unchurched guy, the new convert, the unbeliever, the angry man, the lone ranger, the commitment-phobic man, the passive man, and the unteachable guy (chapters 5–14). The book ends with part 3 posing penetrating questions on how to break up for the glory of God if with a wrong guy (chapter 15), learning to value what God values in pursuing a real Christian man (chapter 16), realizing why waiting is okay and even redemptive and good (chapter 17), and recognizing grace remains for those who have settled (chapter 18).
The book is filled with stories and vignettes which are meant to cause you “to think and pray important these important matters, and to bring God’s perspective to your dating relationships” (Reju 32). The book reveals ten portraits of men Christian women should resist settling for. As a single Christian man who cares greatly for my sisters in the faith, I found Reju’s words an exhortation for me to examine my own heart for tendencies toward a specific type of wrong guy. Likewise, I was encouraged by the counsel in part 3 on how to know when to break up and how to do it in a distinctly Christian way for the glory of God. Pastor Deepak calls for a better and biblical way of thinking, placing two questions before the reader, (1) “Do I desire Jesus more than anything else?” and (2) “Would I settle for the wrong guy?” (Reju 21). She’s Got the Wrong Guy counsels single Christian women to trust in Christ in the midst of waiting and to treasure a relationship with Christ above any other relationship. Trust in Christ means starting your pursuit with a dependence upon Him (Reju 7) and submitting to His Word (Reju 78) while treasuring Christ involves valuing and prioritizing in a man what God values and prioritizes in a person. The question every single Christian woman needs to ask is, “Is Christ enough for you?” (Reju 150). Marriage is no guarantee. But the call still is to wait. By no means is this easy. Chapter 17 deals with the truth of waiting. But if “a man who is servant-hearted, faithful, and strong in his faith” is what a single Christian woman values, the wait is worth it. She’s Got the Wrong Guy does not merely warn single Christian women about who not to marry; it counsels ladies to look to Jesus in trust and as their treasure while they worship Him and wait for what He may have in store. To all single Christian women who want to follow the wisdom of God’s word in waiting and dating, I recommend you grab this book!
I received a complimentary copy of this book from Litfuse Publicity Group for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own and are my honest review of the book.