After nine of months of waiting, I gave birth to my precious son Israel. As I entered this new season of life, I expected to be filled with joy. He was an answer to many prayers. Yet, in the weeks that followed, I began experiencing different emotions. I found myself at home with a tiny human who was fully dependent on me. Doubts entered my mind. The day then came when I had to admit I was depressed.

I struggled with admitting I was depressed, because I knew the truth God is sovereign and God is good. I have been a believer for a long time, and I serve as a certified biblical counselor for a living. However, I could not shake all of the things I was feeling. I kept asking myself the same questions at the 3:00 am feeding time: “What is wrong with me? Is my faith not strong enough? What am I doing wrong?” I didn’t know how to answer all these questions. I had just brought home a gift from God. However, instead of the joy I thought would be in my heart, there was fear and anxiety.

The fear and anxiety gave way to panic. Every time I heard the loud noise of my son’s cries, I heard an accusatory voice inside of my head. This voice was telling me how bad of a mom I was (even when I had been a mom only for a week). According to my own standards, a good mom would know why her son is crying. She would know how to calm him down. But I didn’t make the cut. I felt so inadequate. I would feed him, burp him, change his diaper, try to put him to sleep, and NOTHING would calm him down. 

I felt hopeless and helpless. In addition to this nightly routine, I was still recovering from a painful and traumatic emergency C-section. Another accusatory thought entered my mind: If I can’t even take care of myself, how can I care for a baby? The season I once anticipated was now the season I dreaded. This was not what I had envisioned for motherhood. I didn’t sign up for this. I honestly wanted to run, but I had nowhere to escape. Left with my thoughts and questions, 5:00 am would rapidly come.

I was embarrassed to share with my husband all the emotions and thoughts I was facing. When I could no longer hide my tears, I confessed to my husband my struggles. Instead of receiving the judgement I feared from man, my husband encouraged me to respond in faith to the truth of God found in Psalm 121.

As I meditated on Psalm 121, three truths broke through the lies I was believing and brought hope to my weary soul. The more I reflected on the passage, the more I recognized how the truths about God in this psalm are the very truths postpartum-depressed moms need to hear.

Truth #1: My help comes from the Lord. 

I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (vv. 1-2)

Sometimes the most basic truths are the ones we need as reminders. The most basic truth about God I forgot when I brought my son home was the Lord is my helper. In wanting to make the mark as a mother, I tried to swim against the current of dependence. I wanted to show seasoned moms I knew what I was doing as a new mom. It did not take long before the illusion of self-sufficiency sunk me as I drowned in desperation. 

I joined my son’s cries of agony. My tears overflew as my son refused to latch on to my breasts, making me feel like a failure. I couldn’t nurture my son like a “normal” mother would do. I felt rejected. I was desperate but unwilling to cry out to the Lord for help. I was forgetful and prideful. I needed help, but I wanted it my way and in my time. Maybe you can relate. Sister, God is our helper. He created you, me, and our children. He knows what we need in every circumstance. He gives us the right amount of grace we need to love and nourish our children. He gives us enough for each day, so that we may learn to depend on Him like our children depend on us.

Truth #2: The Lord doesn’t need to sleep like I do. 

He will not let your foot be moved, he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. (vv. 3-4)

Sleep, what is that? Getting 8 hours of sleep became the dream. I was tired. I was angry. I felt trapped. Once again, I had convinced myself I was supposed to perform and function without rest. Why? Because I feared to appear weak before people. I had so many friends from church offering to care for my son so I could sleep. I was offended. I couldn’t bring myself to allow that. I needed to be the one caring for my son. Otherwise, I felt like a terrible mother.

Mommas, this is a lie. Weakness only confirms we are human. Psalm 121 describes the Lord as the only one who does not need to sleep or slumber like we do. God is the only one who can carry us through this journey of motherhood 100% alert. He is awake with us in the watches of the night and watching over us early in the morning without needing to hit the snooze button.

In our weakness as mothers, we can turn to the Lord who gives us rest. In Mathew 11:28, Jesus invites us who are weary and heavy laden to come to Him for rest. What kind of rest is He talking about? More than just a physical rest, it is a spiritual rest. It is the kind of rest that assures our souls we belong to him. We don’t need to prove ourselves to anyone. We are weak and that is okay (see 2 Corinthians 12:9-10). 

The Lord gives us rest from all our fear, anxiety, hopelessness, and helplessness through Jesus. He took our cares upon Himself and carried the cross. We are invited to lie down and rest with our confidence in the Lord and His care as David did in Psalm 4:8, “In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

Truth #3: The Lord is my keeper. 

The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore (vv. 5-8)

I will never forget the first time I held my sweet baby boy in my arms. It was love at first sight. I held him carefully and tenderly. He looked so fragile. He was vulnerable. He needed care and attention. He couldn’t survive alone. He needed others to care for him to sustain his life.

Sisters, our lives are no different. We cannot survive life on our own, but we need the Lord to sustain our every breath each day of our lives. In the same way we see our precious children, God sees us. In the same way we want to protect and provide for our children, so does our Heavenly Father. The comforting truth of God here is He can do it fully without the weakness or lack we experience. He is the almighty. He is powerful. He is trustworthy. He is our keeper and sustainer. We are safe and secure because He is our Father, and we are His children.

Sin palabras. Así puedo describir el momento en el que mi esposo y yo descubrimos que seríamos padres por primera vez. Ambos soñamos con este momento, pero jamás pensamos que pasaría 6 meses después de nuestra boda. Nos sentimos bendecidos y nuestros corazones estaban llenos de gratitud y emoción. Sin embargo, a lo largo de los meses, mi visión se turbó gracias a las temidas náuseas y vómitos. Todo era agobiante. De repente, las alegrías anticipadas de la futura maternidad se habían distorsionado por las luchas físicas del embarazo. El dolor y el miedo se convirtieron en mi punto focal.

Cuando compartí mi experiencia con otras madres, descubrí que no era la única. Otras madres primerizas habían peleado esta batalla. Ellas también sufrieron y tuvieron una percepción borrosa durante esta etapa. Fue la Palabra de Dios lo que trajo claridad.

Verdad #1: Mi Cuerpo No Es Mio

1 Corintios 6:19-20 nos da la verdad fundamental de que nuestros cuerpos son “Templo del Espíritu Santo”. Jesús noscompró con su sangre al morir por nosotros en la cruz. Por lo tanto, no somos dueños de nosotros mismos, pero le pertenecemos a Dios. Era fácil para mí aceptar esta verdad hasta que empezó el primer trimestre de mi embarazo. Enferma y cansada de todos los cambios físicos, solo quería un descanso. Quería recuperar “mi cuerpo”.Como mujeres cristianas, somos tentadas a vivir nuestra fe en teoría. Sabemos la verdad. Estudiamos la verdad. Sin embargo, cuando viene la prueba se nos dificulta ponerla en práctica. 

Santiago 1:22-24 dice: “No se contenten solo con oír la palabra, pues así se engañan ustedes mismos. Llévenla a la práctica. El que escucha la palabra, pero no la pone en práctica, es como el que se mira el rostro en un espejo y después de mirarse, se va y se olvida enseguida de cómo es.” Dios uso la prueba para revelar en mi corazón el deseo de reclamar lo que no me pertenece. No me daba cuenta de que en mi diario vivir actuaba como dueña y señora de mi cuerpo en lugar de instrumento en las manos de mi creador. Al centrar mi mirada en la incomodidad, ignore la belleza del diseño de Dios.  El diseñó el cuerpo de la madre no solo para suplir sus propias necesidades, pero para naturalmente priorizar las necesidades de la nueva vida que crece dentro de ella.

Según un estudio realizado por ¹JAMA Internal Medicine en Estados Unidos, concluyó que las náuseas y el vómito experimentado por las mujeres, generalmente durante el primer trimestre del embarazo, protegen al feto contra toxinas y patógenos en los alimentos y bebidas confirmando así la asociación protectora entre estos síntomas y un menor riesgo de pérdida del embarazo. Dios protegía a mi hijo del peligro en mi propio vientre. De manera, que mi perspectiva cambio de quejas a canticos. Algo tan horrible como las náuseas matutinas se convirtieron en un dulce recordatorio de el cuidado de Dios. Fui recordada de como Jesús sufrió dolor físico hasta la muerte para preservar nuestras almas y darnos vida eterna juntamente con Él. Gloria a Dios.

Verdad #2: Las Hormonas No Son Un “Pase Libre” Para El Pecado

La segunda verdad la encontramos en Santiago 1:26 “Si alguno piensa ser religioso entre vosotros, y no refrena su lengua, sino engañando su corazón, la religión del tal es vana.”

Refrenar la lengua. Algo que no queremos escuchar especialmente durante el embarazo. No olvidaré la primera vez que escuché esta pregunta. “¿Ya le gritaste a tu esposo?”.  Una amiga piadosa me lo preguntó con una sonrisa en su rostro. Compartió las diferentes ocasiones en las que sintió una sensación de alivio después de gritarle a su esposo mientras experimentaba molestias durante el embarazo. Terminó diciendo: “Está bien, cariño. Tienes un pase”. Me gustaría decir que esta fue la única instancia en la que se me hizo esta pregunta y se brindó tal consejo. Lamentablemente, la pregunta se volvió tan común como “¿Quieres azúcar en tu café?”. Así que, ¿Realmente será que las hormonas nos dan un “pase libre” para pecar? Por favor, no me malinterpretes, las hormonas son algo real. Son los mensajeros químicos del cuerpo. Permiten que el cuerpo sepa lo que sucede dentro de él. Si las hormonas hablaran dirían cosas como: “Estamos bien. Estamos comiendo suficientes proteínas, bebiendo agua, durmiendo bien y haciendo ejercicio adecuadamente. De tal manera que puedes sentirte tranquilo y concentrarte en tus tareas y ser productivo”. Como resultado, experimentamos todas estas sensaciones. Luego, llega el embarazo. Nuestras hormonas cambian de rumbo y comunican: “Espera, hay alguien dentro de ti. Ahora debemos trabajar doble turno. No hay suficiente hierro para los dos. La tierra mojada huele deliciosa, debería comer un poco. Odiamos el pollo y los huevos.  Ahora no puedes dormir. Estás inquieta. Nadie entiende tu dolor. Tu esposo está roncando a la par tuya. No es justo. Ahora no puedes controlarte. Tienes permitido gritarle. ¡Hazlo ahora!” Sospecho que algunas de ustedes pueden identificarse.

Las hormonas pueden influir en la forma en que pensamos y sentimos, mas no pueden determinar nuestras respuestas. Necesitamos la verdad.  Salmo 141:3-4, nos proporciona un arma para luchar en contra de los deseos pecaminosos: “Pon guarda a mi boca, oh Jehová; ¡Guarda la puerta de mis labios! No dejes que mi corazón se incline a ningún mal, para ocuparme en malas obras”.

Incluso cuando nuestra vista está nublada por las hormonas de un cuerpo pecaminoso y quebrantado, vemos que nuestra experiencia no excusa nuestro pecado. Esta es una noticia esperanzadora, a la futura madre que lucha con sus hormonas, Dios en su gracia brinda esperanza. En Su fidelidad, Dios proporcionará lo que nosotras, como madres embarazadas, necesitamos para honrarlo en nuestras relaciones y en la forma en que tratamos a los demás. Perseguimos la santidad incluso cuando nuestras hormonas predican algo diferente.

Conclusión: Meditar y Ministrar La Verdad

Querida hermana, la verdad de que nuestros cuerpos no nos pertenecen a nosotras y que las hormonas no son un pase para pecar son verdades que necesitaremos recordar no únicamente durante el embarazo, pero en cada una de las etapas de nuestras vidas. Por causa del pecado y nuestros cuerpos caídos lucharemos en contra de estas tentaciones a diario. Sin embargo, 1 Corintios 10:13 dice: “Ustedes no han sufrido ninguna tentación que no sea común al género humano. Pero Dios es fiel y no permitirá que ustedes sean tentados más allá de lo que puedan aguantar. Más bien, cuando llegue la tentación, él les dará también una salida a fin de que puedan resistir.” ¡Gloria a Dios por esta verdad! Dios proveerá lo que necesitamos para luchar en contra de los deseos de controlar nuestro cuerpo y de responder pecaminosamente cuando estamos siendo influenciadas por las hormonas. Dios es un Dios de compasión. Él es lento para la ira y grande en misericordia. Porque somos de Él, podemos ir a Él en busca de ayuda y luchar encontrar de cada uno de estos deseos. Porque somos de Él, podemos esperar gracia en los días en los que se nos hace difícil luchar. Si caemos, El Espíritu Santo trae convicción de pecado a nuestro corazón llevándonos al arrepentimiento y santificándonos. Porque somos de Él, aun en medio de los dolores del embarazo Él nos hace como Cristo aclarando nuestra perspectiva y ayudándonos a enfocarnos nuevamente en Él.

¹https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2553283

When my husband and I found out we were expecting a child, we were happy beyond words. I was 33 years old, and our firstborn son was a beautiful surprise. We had prayed for this child, and the Lord graciously answered our prayers. We felt so blessed. Then, I found my body undergoing constant changes. My pants no longer fit me. The dreaded “morning sickness” nausea and vomiting became a nearly daily routine. The newness of it all was overwhelming. The joys of future motherhood I anticipated had been blurred by the current struggles of pregnancy. Pain and fear became my focal point.

As I shared my experience with other moms, I found I was not alone. Other first-time mothers had fought this battle. What helped clear up the blurry conditions of their pregnancies was the Word of God. Learning from their example, I turned to God’s Word for truth and discovered two truths that clarified the perspective of my pregnancy.

Truth #1: Your Body Is Not Your Own

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 gives us the most foundational truth that our bodies are “the temple of the Holy Spirit”. As a result of Jesus purchasing us by His blood, we do not belong to ourselves. We belong to God, and I would have told you I joyfully believed this truth as a Christian. That is, until the beginning of my first trimester. Sick and tired of all the physical changes, I wanted a break. I wanted my pre-pregnancy body back.

I didn’t get a break, but the Lord broke me to expose my heart. On paper, I had believed my body belonged to God but, in reality, my heart was fighting for control. I wasn’t ready to admit it, because I thought pregnancy was supposed to be the most joyful season of your life. Yet, I was struggling both physically and spiritually. I never realized how much I functioned as though my body belonged to me. 

Conviction turned to comfort when I realized how God intentionally designed the mother’s body to nurture the new life growing within her. An expectant mother’s body not only cares for her needs but prioritizes the needs of the baby inside her. I began to see how the Lord took my bodily struggles to physically sustain my child, using the pain of constant nausea to protect my baby from hurt and harm.

I am convinced I am not the only mother who needs to hear and share the comforting truth our bodies are not our own. Whether you are an expectant mother or minister to mothers, what a blessed truth our bodies belong to God and are designed by God! We worship this God, who faced physical suffering on the cross to endure and redeem us so we may have life. Jesus preserves and gives us life. We are His! When we hold onto this truth and its implications during our time of pregnancy, something as horrible as morning sickness can become a sweet reminder of God’s goodness.

Truth #2: Hormones Are Not A “Free Pass” To Sin

We need such sweet reminders of God’s character because we can too easily justify our sin. We can have a distorted view of how we view sin. The question, “Have you yelled at your husband yet?” reveals this problem. I will not forget the first time I heard the question. A godly friend who I looked up to asked me it with a smirk on her face. She exclaimed the different occasions where she felt a sense of relief after screaming at her husband while she experienced discomfort during pregnancy. She finished with saying, “It’s okay, honey. You have a pass.”  I wish I could tell you this was the only instance in which this question was asked and such counsel was given. Sadly, it became as common as “Are you getting popcorn at the movies?”

Yet, is it true? Do we really have a “free pass” to sin just because of our hormones? Please don’t misunderstand me. Hormones are a real thing. Hormones are a real thing. They are the body’s chemical messengers. They let the body know what is going on inside of it. For instance, our hormones are signals telling us, “Okay, we are good. We are eating enough protein, drinking plenty of water, sleeping well, and exercising adequately. You can feel calm and restful. You can focus on your tasks and be productive.” 

Then, pregnancy comes, and our signals get crossed. Our hormones change course and communicate, “Wait, there is someone else inside of you. We must work double shift now. There is not enough iron for both of you. Eat dirt. We hate chicken. You are tired and sad for no reason other than you can’t sleep. You are restless. No one understands your pain. You’re allowed to scream to whoever is in front of you. Do it now!” I suspect some of you can relate.

For other women during pregnancy, they may not scream. Instead, they are sharp with their words, piercing the heart of the person they are aiming to hurt with their words. The phrase “I didn’t mean to say that” doesn’t excuse or justify the words neither is the phrase true. We need truth found in Psalm 141:3-4, where we are not blinded with excusing sin but crying out to the Lord to fight against sin, “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! Do not let my heart incline to any evil, to busy myself with wicked deeds.”

Even when our sight is foggy by the hormones of a sinful and broken body, we see our experience doesn’t excuse our sin. Hormones can blur our vision and influence the way we think and feel every day, but they can’t blind us and don’t determine our responses. This is hopeful news, because God graciously provides hope in 1 Corinthians 10:13 to the expectant mother battling with her hormones. She is not alone in this fight. She has other sisters who understand, and she has a God who will strengthen her to endure. In His faithfulness, God will provide what we as expectant mothers need to honor Him in the way we treat others. We pursue holiness even when our hormones preach something different. 

Meditating on and Ministering Truth

One of my initial concerns entering pregnancy is what people called “pregnancy brain”. I was scared to experience memory problems or absentmindness. However, with these two truths above, the Lord reminded me instead of fighting against the brain fog, I needed to fight for the time to meditate on and minister the truth of His Word.

Dear sister, the truth that we are not our own was and still is a truth worth reflecting on and returning to again as pregnancy progresses. We all have blind spots and need the encouragement to see how we can approach our pregnancies in a manner which glorifies God, not reasoning that hormones give us “a free pass” on sin but that holiness is the path we are called to walk, whether we are expecting or not. May we meditate and minister these truths from God’s Word, so in the midst of the pains of pregnancy, we can see these two clarifying truths from God’s Word.