“Actions speak louder than words.” This popular saying sheds light on our passage today. Continuing his theme of submission to authority in chapter 2, Peter moves to the marriage relationship in 3:1-7. There is perhaps no greater picture of the gospel in human terms than marriage between one man and one woman. According to verse 1, wives are to be subject to their own husbands. The reasoning here is that the godly conduct of the wife can win the heart of her unbelieving husband. Mere words and constant griping and complaining will not do the job. The love of Christ overflowing from the heart of the wife may soften the hard heart of the husband to the point of spiritual receptivity to the gospel. Loving deeds softens hearts in a way words alone cannot. Wives must be careful what they say to their husbands, as constant badgering may turn him off to the faith. Furthermore, the “respectful and pure conduct” of the wife may lead to the salvation of her husband. Such is the case with well-known Christian apologist and former investigative journalist Lee Strobel. It was the radical change in her character and treatment of others that led him to investigate the validity of Christianity. He was later converted (https://www.lifeway.com/en/articles/the-case-for-grace-lee-strobel-story).

Moving to verses 3-6, the apostle implores wives to put on the clothing of godliness and humility. A woman should not focus more upon her physical appearance than her spiritual character. In fact, focusing merely on the external-the braiding of hair, wearing jewelry, and wearing expensive clothing, will lead to vanity. This does not mean that a woman should never wear makeup or fix up her hair, it means that her primary focus should be on cultivating a “gentle and quiet spirit,” which is true beauty in God’s sight (v. 4). This is the spirit that Sarah had towards Abraham, the father of the Hebrews in Genesis 12-25. She submitted to his leadership and therefore received God’s blessing of being the mother to the ancient Hebrews. Christian women prove to be her “children” by doing good deeds and not being afraid (v. 6). 

Husbands are addressed in verse 7. Peter writes to Christian men: “Live with your wives in an understanding way,” showing honor to them as the “weaker vessel.” This does not mean the wife is less important or less valuable than the husband. In my understanding, this means physical strength and not spiritual merit. Understood in this way, the husband is to provide, protect and nurture his wife and family. To be honest, this is humbling writing on this topic as a single man but the Word of God is clear: Men are to lead in love and women are to follow in faith. This dynamic is meant to align every marriage with the triune God. Moreover, as Christ is head of the church and sacrificed his life for her, the husband is to do the same with his wife. Accordingly, wives are to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:25-33). Roles within God’s creative order are extremely important. Therefore, we must take seriously these verses from 1 Peter. Only then can a husband and wife rightly relate to one another and model the gospel for a watching world.

Application Questions

1. Wives, how can you honor and respect your husband today?  Husbands, how can you self-sacrificially love your wives today? Do you pray for each other?
2. Pastors, are you pouring into marriages within your church? How can you strengthen your brothers and sisters in their lives right now?